Live & Learn Thursday Link Up- Completeness

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The Crafty Practitioner
Why cant I feel like my family is complete? I wish I could convince myself that "this is it" but I can't. How do people do it? How do they have one child and feel like that is enough and they are done?

Can you learn to feel complete?

I have always wanted three kids. I was an only child growing up and I detested it. I made up fake siblings, I begged my parents to give me siblings, I just wanted siblings! Everyone else had them after all. I told myself that I would never have an only child.

On another note, pregnancy is amazing, magical, miraculous, & breathtaking. I loved it. Feeling baby kicks, movements, hiccups, stretches and rolls was something that make my heart grow two sizes. I cannot fathom not feeling those feelings again. How am I supposed to just erase that longing?

Once you have a baby and you get to see an amazing little person that you created how can you not want to do that again?

These are all reasons why you see most people have multiple kids I am sure. As a matter of fact I feel like most people don't even wait long in between kids many times because the whole experience is just so amazing.

I know that if it was up to me I would already be a mother of two. Then reality sets in, in my life it isn't up to me. I don't get a say in my family size, when I have babies, how I have babies, if I have babies. 

Instead I get to yearn for them, pray for them, beg my body to cooperate, spend thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars, fail, fail again, cry, and feel completely defeated. I spend some part of every day watching a pregnant woman and just imagining what my life would be like if I was her, how it must feel to be her, wondering if she even knows how lucky she is.

I am 28, it is the age where everyone is having babies therefor it makes it impossible to just remove myself from the situation. I am truly and honestly happy for others that have babies! It just comes with a whole giant mountain of sad for me. That is what I could say is my tagline for my late 20s "Happy for them, Sad for me".

I so want to give Foster a sibling. I want him to be a big brother. He would love to be a brother. I want to see a sibling bond and experience it. I want to watch them grow and play together. Now he is already 2.5 and the age gap will be so big that they won't be playmates and best friends. Add to that the fact that we cannot try to have a baby right now and I am just so hopeless.

  1. I feel your pain. Except I have not ha to joy of having a full term (or even a full trimester) pregnancy. All four of mine have miscarried before 10 weeks. I so want Ellie (she's adopted) to have siblings and oh how I long for one of them to be my biological child.