Being kind to me.

My twenty-ninth year is one in which I feel like I am cleansing my life, heart and soul. I am making changes to make me more healthy, more happy, and more well rounded. I cannot say how good it feels to make many of these changes. It is not easy being a wife, mom to a toddler, work full time at a very demanding job, and do everything else that I do. Life needs balance. This year before I enter my 30s I am finding that balance. Some of the things are tough but they are going to be good things.

I have already completed my twelve book goal for 2014, go me! Reading is one of the most important  parts of my life right now, it gets my mind clear and takes me away from all the stress for at least a little while. I need to post about the books that I have read and let all of you know which ones I would recommend.

JD and I are working on "us". We know that we need to refocus on our marriage and get back to how we used to be before a toddler and before infertility rocked our foundation. We have changed and grown and now we needs to grow back together. We have been together since we were kids (I was 17) and we have clearly gone through a lot of changing since then and its time for us to learn how to rekindle what we have let slide in the last few years. I am excited to see where counseling and a safe place where we have to talk takes us!

Time away is something that we never made room for in our schedule or budget. This year we planned a trip to key west with a couple of friends and we cannot wait to leave in a little less than two weeks. Adult trip for beach, pool, drinking, relaxing, and fun. Sign me up!

The truth is that I am tough on myself, I am my biggest critic. I let myself worry too much about how I might look to others, how others might think of me, etc. I need to not care. I need to BE KIND TO ME and the rest is what it is. 

Besides, with a cutie like this everything in life is great!

{three}

My sweetest Foster,

I cannot even believe that you are three years old. It seems like just yesterday that you were just over six pounds and so fragile and tiny. I will never forget how scary it was having you at home with us the first night. I thought that we needed to have someone awake watching you all night because of your rough start with breathing. I still lay in your bed next to you and worry about your breathing when you sleep, I guess some things ever change.

You are my very best friend. I could never have imagined the amount of love that you would show me. The age that you are at now is such a loving and joyous age. You will crawl across the couch just to hug my arm and say "I Yuv You, Momma!". It melts my heart every time. I always tell you that I love you and you are my best friend. I often wonder when you will really be able to understand how much I really love you. You refuse to go to bed or let me leave for work without a hug and kiss and saying goodbye to me. I never get tired of this. I would accept 20 goodbye kisses if you wanted to give them to me! The look on your face when you walk in the door from school and you see me home fills my heart with so much happiness. It is the light in your eyes that shows me just how much you love your momma.

You are such a smart boy! The things that you pick up on and learn with ease amaze me. You count and you recognize "F for Foster" and you like to shows the numbers on your fingers. You learn new words every day and there is nothing that you cannot say if you try. Sometimes you will say something that flat out shocks me and I think to myself "Where did he ever learn that?". I cannot wait to continue to watch you learn and discover all that this amazing world has to offer. Sometimes people will ask me what I think you will be when you grow up and the truth is that I have no clue. You are so smart that I think you can be anything that you want to be. I am excited to see where your mind takes you.

You are getting ready to move up to the preschool room at Oxford, I don't know how this happened so quickly. I still call you my baby and I tell you that you are my baby and always will be. You smile and you let me say this without arguing with me. I sometimes scoop you up and hold you like a baby and you just let me. I think that in your heart you know that momma needs it.

Watching you grow and being your mommy has been the greatest gift that I have ever had. I consider you my greatest accomplishment and you make me so proud each and every day.

Always remember... wherever you go my love will find you <3